tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32552002840912805722024-02-18T21:40:57.746-08:00LiveAbundantlyThis is my story inspired by the One who has met with me!
"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."(2 Corinthians 12:8-10)LiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3255200284091280572.post-22095534888460665622010-11-10T07:00:00.001-08:002010-11-10T07:13:13.175-08:00Lotsa Updates<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmOt7vkm4kNZmbssnTb8y_fDrNHyBWfx3DB_BGxx24WbnBFZ3VmyIWP9M2YEnJKkj4QHPNhWz_DdYDVdqq9cd3qsNzyiEl6XZ5ljwUfpyU-40gZ6pan5zVCH5Y3S4G-9dK92kB-pqIOmE/s1600/cass+and+irndawre.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 271px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmOt7vkm4kNZmbssnTb8y_fDrNHyBWfx3DB_BGxx24WbnBFZ3VmyIWP9M2YEnJKkj4QHPNhWz_DdYDVdqq9cd3qsNzyiEl6XZ5ljwUfpyU-40gZ6pan5zVCH5Y3S4G-9dK92kB-pqIOmE/s320/cass+and+irndawre.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5537939337568267170" border="0" /></a><br />Ahhh I am sorry for neglecting you, old blog!<br /><br />I'll have to back up to three weeks ago, I got super numb after PT, couldn't move or talk or anything. Just a really bad episode like I haven't had in some time.<br /><br />So three day stay, potassium B12 protein was all low, and my iron was low last time we checked it, so on iron and b12 and got potass in the hospital, pills not a drip, and did really well after that third day. the next week after PT i lost feeling in my throat and it was just really weak and I choked and coughed on everything, five days of that I lost 7 lbs, it finally started working again and I'm up a few lbs.<br /><br />Monday, <span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"><span style="color: rgb(102, 255, 153); font-weight: bold;">THREE WHOLE WEEKS</span> </span>after last hospital run, I had another episode. I was in PT but it had been coming for days, and did really well I went in talking and stayed that way, 2 boluses of IVF and was put on oxygen. O's really helped clear my head and with migraine, since I don't have enough blood, and not all that gets up to my brain and heart, saturating it with oxygen can make what little is making it up there more efficient since my heart isn't getting it done.<br /><br />Doing fine now. Dr. Awesome wants me on a walking program, going up in 5 min incriments, but getting to 10 is like torture so not sure how its going to work but I promised I'id try.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255); font-weight: bold;">my first dysautie friend is coming here at 1 or 2, yay! :)</span><br /><br />OH! and its <span style="font-weight: bold;">RND Awareness Month!</span> Wearing <span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Red</span></span> and <span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Orange</span></span> all month to support! Let me know if you are doing it too, so many are its really touching! Even though I don't have RND anymore, So many of my friends do. I wear the colors to support what they are going through and what I went through!<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">NOV 4 was my one year anniversary</span> of being inpatient at CI!!!!<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">And PTL, </span>remember when insurance kicked me out of CI too early??? and I was just so upset, but God had a reason. I met two girls taht I would NOT have met, and K just led B to Christ, after the two of us were witnessing to her for months. God I understand now,forgive my stressed out self at that time! I am finally able to let that hard day go, and weeks, and months, go. It was worth it!<br /><br /><br />STay faithful in Him!<br />love, millyLiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3255200284091280572.post-1690205909179668052010-10-12T16:25:00.000-07:002010-10-12T16:27:37.385-07:00Beautiful NightI glance out the window and see a beautiful crescent moon hanging from the trembling branches of the maple tree. its the shape of the marking on apryl's forehead, and it makes me feel peaceful to see it up in the sky with <span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);">beautiful</span> <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 153);">shades</span> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">of blue</span></span> behind it.
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<br />Today I started PT again, and it was strange to wake up before the sun to get ready to leave. I had that all to familiar routine down pat, getting up around six and being at the hospital at seven, hanging out eating breakfast in the empty cafeteria and with Beth until nine.
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<br />That was so so hard, to sit all day on hard waiting room chairs between sessions from 9-4, then wait 30-45 min in the lobby for dad to get out of work and ride the bus back to our parked truck waiting to take us home. Then dinner, and a few more hours of therapy.
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<br /><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">I still can't believe I did that,</span> it was incredibly taxing and overwhelming and stressful. All because my insurance didn't want to cover what I needed. But you know, I would never have become such dear friends with Beth had that all not happened, nor met a half dozen ppl I considered to be some of my best friends!
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<br />pretty crazy. those days will always be on my<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"> heart</span>, and remind me that <span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">I CAN DO THIS.</span></span>
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<br />Been thinking about it all a lot lately, RND therapy I mean, esp not that this is the second time I'm having to relearn consistant walking, only this time two months in PT won't do the trick.
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<br />It went well, they were super understanding of how I couldn't overdue and how each day is very different. We did epley maneuvers for vertigo and I think it helped!
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<br />my bestie, my kindred spirit, is coming friday hopefully to see secretariat and spend some time with me. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-size:180%;" ><3</span> *wordless happy sighs*
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<br />going to copy this into my caringbridge now, then go lie down on the couch!
<br />xoxox
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<br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">fearlessly in HIM,</span>
<br />milly
<br />LiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3255200284091280572.post-72325330964783948952010-09-26T18:11:00.000-07:002010-09-26T18:16:02.237-07:00Music!<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">I</span><span style="font-family: times new roman; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);font-size:180%;" > LOVE </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">music.</span><br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;">Like a lot. Like more than should be legal.<br /><br />New CDs!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" ><span style="color: rgb(51, 153, 153);">The Alter and the Door - Casting Crowns *$5 sale*</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;">Fall 2009 Sampler - has Glow by Britt Nicole and Before the Morning by Josh Wilson, plus 14 other tracks! *free*</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">Mikeschair - MIKESCHAIR</span></span><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);"> *$12*</span></span><br /><br />Spent $18 saved $14! So I'm a happy kid!<br /><br />I'm off to sleep and play them now :-)<br /></div>LiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3255200284091280572.post-24581663780573536812010-09-25T07:10:00.000-07:002010-09-25T07:37:09.334-07:00How much more can happen?in just a few weeks?<br />I better start at the beginning.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(153, 255, 153); font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Cleveland Clinic went well. </span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0); font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >AND </span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);font-size:180%;" ><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);"><br />THERE WAS A SIGN!<br />FOR ME!<br />I almost CRIED.</span></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXCw5ufIfM81XrGtmCZV6xZ4QyMnpaoF05qLnHXTv8yjjWOTLEseBDi6n4AhzJoOwcbLHczK-dmdVnQu4Quk2J8kDnKKG5LBxuQbd2SJLZlep2k3dJNf9Q5-FxD3-QG6OpeuyCvs5pb_A/s1600/SIGN!.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXCw5ufIfM81XrGtmCZV6xZ4QyMnpaoF05qLnHXTv8yjjWOTLEseBDi6n4AhzJoOwcbLHczK-dmdVnQu4Quk2J8kDnKKG5LBxuQbd2SJLZlep2k3dJNf9Q5-FxD3-QG6OpeuyCvs5pb_A/s320/SIGN!.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5520859295516321474" border="0" /></a></span><br /></div>I had a positive tilt table test, meaning then lie you flat on a table with two BP cuffs and a twelve lead heart monitor then go up and up but degrees. Misery! Left side went numb couldn't stand on it. You're strapped in and they said they stop once I couldn't stand on my own but they didn't haha. But I didn't mind bc like I told her when she almost stopped it because I couldn't talk to her right away, after I got my breathe back I said "I came a LONG way for this test.." <span style="font-size:130%;">and I didn't mean in just miles</span> from here to Cleve!!!<span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style=";font-family:verdana;font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 153, 153);">So that was suppperrr exciting to get my first positive test in a LONG time, only like the second one ever haha!</span></span><br /><br />We liked Dr Fouad! She's different, but very knowledgeable. She just automatically knew my dysautonomia and didn't look at me like I was bonkers when she heard about them all.<br /><br />She had me come back the next day for an autonomic reflex test and a blood volume test. BV was first and I get really sick during it, they took a lotta blood, and we just heard yesterday that my BV is low! I have low iron and low red blood cells, but at ER thursday night they said I wasn't anemic? So I'm confused. We'll get full results next wk.<br /><br />Auto. Refl. was negative, which made Dr Fouad VERY happy, it was sweet. Said that made a much better Dx for me. No nerve damage/malfunction/etc its all circulatory.<br /><br />So wow two positive tests in two days when I've had six years of negatives! Only positive I can ever think of was pulmonary function test when they found my asthma. (which was healed, full story written out in my first post).<br /><br />IDK what we're doing yet, everyone here is SO CONFUSED about what the heck that BVT means, bc its something Dr Fouad created and was confirmed into the FDA in '98<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-family:arial;font-size:180%;" ><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 102);">Go Dr Fouad!!!</span></span><br /><br />anyway so CC is like the only place that does it that I know of, though some others like Mayo or whatever may. Not sure. That means though that nobody gets the test and looks at you like your bonkers when you say you have a low blood volume, because to them there is no really good way to see someones BV!<br /><br />But thats ok, can't wait til we have results in hand and docs can get them via fax hopefully, and then get a treatment plan going. if there is one!<br /><br />I've just been feeling really tense and disconcerted with everyone telling me something different. I was very happy to hear that the BVT came in positive for low BV but now its frustrating. and I just dont know I feel off and a bit scared that its always going to be this confusing. <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">BUT last night God gave me a blessing, and it was at 4:37!</span></span> <span style="font-weight: bold;"> He always does things around four or four thirty! </span> I woke up and just felt really good, and stood up in faith like a "normal" person and fell down, so I knew it wasn't a healing but I told him I accepted anything he was doing, and would welcome another! but after I got up I was able to walk more easily and didn't feel dizzy and it was just stinkin' amazing! Symptoms came back slowly but I didn't mind it was amazing.<br /><br />Wrote an email to Dr. Awesome in order to just get out my thoughts on everything and send a link I found on the BVT. She's great at making sure she listens to how I'm feeling, mentally and physically! <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;"> <span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);">It's been SUCH a strange week!</span> </span></span> Some good, some bad, but I'm just grateful for any and all action!<br /><br />Better go get breakfast and some medicine in me, didn't notice how late it was!<br /><br />Love in Him,<br />MillyLiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3255200284091280572.post-3047279926460586252010-09-15T09:22:00.001-07:002010-09-15T09:36:59.402-07:00I love ya, Tomorrow! You're only a Day Away!<span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);font-family:arial;" >Leaving for <span style="font-weight: bold;">CLEVELAND</span> today! Going to <span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 0);font-size:180%;" >Cleveland Clinic</span> first thing tomorrow, apt at 8:15 Tilt Table Test after. So my post is going to be in Dysautonomia Awareness blue!</span> <span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);font-family:arial;" >It measures blood pressure and heart rate when lying down to standing. Since I have dysautonomia I already know my HR jumps a good 20-30 bpm when changing positions to upright. It'll be interesting to see more concisely what my BP does, and if I have vasovagal syncope (blood pressure drop when lain back down again).<span style="font-style: italic;"> I am hoping to get a POTS diagnosis!!!</span></span> <span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);font-family:arial;" ><br /><br />Here's my doc! and link to her bio/info page.</span> <span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);font-family:arial;" > </span><a href="http://my.clevelandclinic.org/staff_directory/staff_display.aspx?doctorid=637">http://my.clevelandclinic.org/staff_directory/staff_display.aspx?doctorid=637</a><a href="http://my.clevelandclinic.org/_controltemplates/FAD/FAD_Resources/Photo.ashx?Width=225&DoctorID=637"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 149px; height: 187px;" src="http://my.clevelandclinic.org/_controltemplates/FAD/FAD_Resources/Photo.ashx?Width=225&DoctorID=637" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);font-family:arial;" >I am very hopeful but a bit nervous. Don't want to put all my eggs in one basket m</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);font-family:arial;" >entally. I know already that she's super sweet, ki</span><a href="http://jonahchuang.com/dnn/Portals/0/370px-Light_blue_ribbon.png"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 180px; height: 293px;" src="http://jonahchuang.com/dnn/Portals/0/370px-Light_blue_ribbon.png" alt="" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);font-family:arial;" >nd, and takes her time</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);font-family:arial;" > to explain and answer questions. Things that are very important to me! I'm pretty spoiled on Dr. Awesome being that way-to the max-but I don't find it every day.</span> <span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);font-family:arial;" ><br /><br />Speaking of her, I talked to her Monday and before saying hello she half sang out my name then announced "I have your number memorized! I dont have any of my other patients, though..." Cracked me up! I said I had hers memorized too, to which she replied with a chuckle that she was sure I did. hahahhahahah!<br /></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);font-family:arial;" >We're leaving in an hour or so, Thanks for praying</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);font-family:arial;" > everyone! The outpouring of love and those prayers is so touching!</span><span style="font-size:180%;"> </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102); font-weight: bold;font-family:arial;font-size:180%;" >XOXOXO</span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 102);"> </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);font-family:arial;" ><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">Milly</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">PS: I met a new friend with dysautonomia the other day! yay! I love these blessings, praise God!</span><br /></span>LiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3255200284091280572.post-79528831551769573302010-09-03T16:42:00.000-07:002010-09-03T16:44:22.184-07:00Updates and SuchHello.<br />Well was in ER yesterday.<br />Lately I've been feeling claustrophobic with it all: to the max. It's hard to explain but I'd covet your prayers, God will understand what you mean!<br /><br />Anywho I've been missing the newells like crazy ever since they left, I just want to see them!<br /><br />I'm still writing away, took a bit of a break this week though.<br /><br />Franciney came over Monday! We watched the equestrian olympics from 08 and Misty!<br />Of course we ate lotsa ice cream and just were together, always a special time!<br /><br />Not much else really, please pray though! i need some peace.LiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3255200284091280572.post-69323046285791869812010-08-25T14:48:00.000-07:002010-08-25T14:53:53.661-07:00Loopy LassGreetings && Salutations.<br /><br />ER again Monday, I got out as soon as I could. Thought I would freak out if I had to stay another minute, VERY tired of being in hospitals.<br /><br />I was doing better, but new medicine change is giving me vertigo, something I'm not really used to having. Also have the classic left sided weakness since the weekend or earlier, so thats annoying as everytime I get a vertigo spell (every few moments) the numbness gets worse and runs down my face etc. Oh well this too shall pass! I'm just chugging my gatorade, downing my salt, and livin' life. <span style="font-weight: bold;">I started school this week, just calculus class left to go: then I'm </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 153, 153); font-weight: bold;">OFFICIALLY GRADUATED! </span><span style="font-weight: bold;"> YAY!</span><br /><br />Soooooooooooooooo good to see everyone (:<br /><br />Ahhh havin' some bad spells, going to sign off. God blessLiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3255200284091280572.post-38568686539211841552010-08-17T13:54:00.000-07:002010-08-17T14:00:35.005-07:00Special Kind of Friendship<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRMRYZCLVLoSXAdUQJ21PSzL9HYXq9JdmhkoacD94Vv1B2IZ_5ZHClXUEkmgfh8OXZrm6ZZG4Wyvw4kC1a1IzcwMbhcrF1-_byJ7giYBOJKvMDyVGvNxUb7UT7BFGXwNOg4BzM6HOpK4g/s1600/becka.bmp"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRMRYZCLVLoSXAdUQJ21PSzL9HYXq9JdmhkoacD94Vv1B2IZ_5ZHClXUEkmgfh8OXZrm6ZZG4Wyvw4kC1a1IzcwMbhcrF1-_byJ7giYBOJKvMDyVGvNxUb7UT7BFGXwNOg4BzM6HOpK4g/s320/becka.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5506486526876827026" border="0" /></a><br />Got to spend time with a friend whom was in intensive therapy with me! She is from Texas and made this vaca to see family in NY, but especially to see two of her friends from therapy.<br /><br />When you go through something so painful, so incredibly difficult, so unbelievably challenging; you form<span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 51);"> <span style="font-weight: bold;">friendships</span> </span>with those ppl doing it with you like none other. We were all SO different yet we bonded in a special way.<br /><br />I'm pretty exhausted now, so is she! I need to rest up, meeting a teacher up at school tomorrow to try and finish my third summer course leaving one to repeat.<br /><br />But I'm so dizzy and weak that even when I'm not doing anything I can hardly focus. AD causes short term memory loss, it's frustrating. I'm surprised I've been able to write, <span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0); font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:130%;">God must know</span> how much I need to do that!</span>LiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3255200284091280572.post-10907031937722392752010-08-16T12:04:00.001-07:002010-08-16T12:07:06.132-07:00Be Still and Know<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfpSg3WWQ_YbYaibl5T27BSa_fT8uAwClZxpuWOz1nQc-jV4LJCibQwT4xFAlnz7w0M8Wso1Us3QOfJKlDFJ8fx_s85JqrtPlQ6jRnqjBUBou1T4kB_jfjm-NrxiOe3wfNbxBTKyVCD34/s1600/blog+banner.JPG"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 208px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfpSg3WWQ_YbYaibl5T27BSa_fT8uAwClZxpuWOz1nQc-jV4LJCibQwT4xFAlnz7w0M8Wso1Us3QOfJKlDFJ8fx_s85JqrtPlQ6jRnqjBUBou1T4kB_jfjm-NrxiOe3wfNbxBTKyVCD34/s320/blog+banner.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5506086198044167026" border="0" /></a><br />Well Hi.<br />Today has been cool, but I just can't seem to get my heart into anything. Like I just need to stop life and pray for awhile!<br /><br />The cool part was meeting a new friend with POTS! wooot! Only second one I've ever met with a dysautonomia, and I was her first. It's just a really special thing.<br /><br />I'm meeting a friend from RND therapy whom I haven't seen since December tomorrow!<br /><br />I think I'm just restless and I need to quiet my soul and heart. See ya later!LiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3255200284091280572.post-63908663946572001742010-08-14T18:46:00.000-07:002010-08-14T18:55:50.624-07:00Not Again!!Apparently I didn't knock on wood when I said it had been eleven whole days since my last day in the hospital. haha just kidding. I ended up in the ER two days ago, and everyone started doubting my sanity in Dr. Awesome's department, hinting that I was playing it up etc. But she took one more look at everything and noted my increasing headaches, full out migraines at this point, and told me, full of emotion, <span style="font-size:130%;">"your </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >symptoms</span><span style="font-size:130%;"> are </span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >real</span><span style="font-size:130%;">. </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);font-size:130%;" >I believe you.</span><span style="font-size:130%;"> I get stressed out just thinking about what you go through from day to day, and <span style="font-style: italic;">you are living it</span>." </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">AWH!!!</span> I love and appreciate her so so much.<br /><br />My Card. doc called the same day, and was sweet as ever even though he's so busy. We're going to up my metoprolol in two weeks if I feel that it's still helping. And I can get off my sertraline soon, too.<br /><br />Anyway, I've been writing <span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >ALL</span> afternoon and evening! I have 145 double spaced pages on Word so far, and about 23 Chapters plus some extra one pagers. Some of those chapters will either need to be added onto or elongated a little but most of them are good. I updated my table of contents, doubling it, and counted up my pages today which is the first time since 5/22/10, just two months after I started. And here three months later I've doubled it. It's like <span style="color: rgb(153, 255, 153); font-weight: bold;">WOW God,</span> you're really flowing this stuff out because it sure ain't me!<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255); font-weight: bold;">Very excited. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Thank you Lord! You have blessed me with so much, the people in my life are beyond incredible. Thanks for reminding me today to look to you and for giving me intense peace in the ER on Thursday, even when I technically should have been more stressed than ever. I love you! In Jesus' name, Amen.</span>LiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3255200284091280572.post-51556435612993450282010-08-11T14:59:00.000-07:002010-08-11T15:50:04.208-07:00Silver LiningsWell I feel very run down and sick, but the silver lining is I'm pushing myself to get things done in case I'm in the hospital later in the week! haha. I am almost done with the apologetics portion of Bible 12!!! Wooooot! Downside is I don't understand logics! Those more complex truth tables are not getting into my foggy brain! Silver lining: God's got a plan for whether I repeat the whole thing (hey maybe I'm supposed to be in that class!) and if I do my best hey He could choose to honor that and help me get done by, gulp! August 24th.
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<br />Dr. C is so excited, yesterday she informed me that it has been ten, and today <span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 51); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">ELEVEN DAYS!</span></span> Since I have been in the hospital! Wow!! That's a wonderful feeling, though I hate this inbetween point I'm in where I'm not quite in an episode but not feeling well enough to really enjoy or have as much ability to concentrate and get things done.
<br />
<br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);">I did some exercising today, too, first time since the weekend that I've felt up to it. <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 153, 153); font-weight: bold;"><span>I <3</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 153, 153);"><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span></span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 153, 153);"><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 153, 153);">Yoga,</span> <span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);">fo</span><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);">u</span></span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);">nd some new Pos</span><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);">es</span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> <span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);">that I am excited to try out (:</span></span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">
<br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.yogastudy.org/images/Trikonasana1-Yoga-posture.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 265px; height: 297px;" src="http://www.yogastudy.org/images/Trikonasana1-Yoga-posture.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a></span><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);"><span>It's something that I can do even when I'm<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);"><span>feel</span></span><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);"><span>in</span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2005/06/18/yoga1_wideweb__430x274.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 294px; height: 187px;" src="http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2005/06/18/yoga1_wideweb__430x274.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><span>g </span></span><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);"><span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);">cruddy</span> <span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);">and</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span></span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);"><span>i</span></span><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);"><span>s such a great way to strengthen. I just put a Christian spin on it! Because of CI, I </span></span><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);"><span>definitely find a comfort in working out since thats basically all I did for two months, all day long. I can't believe that all happened sometimes! Six hours a day, plus a good hour at night in the hospital and then 2-3 hours a day plus school plus outpatient sessions when I was discharged! but so worth it, because it tremendously helped everything you'll read about in this new section of my book, I guess its time to post a new one and it fits in here (:</span></span><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;"> How GLAD I am that God has healed this disease! I can't imagine having to deal with it too right now..
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<br /><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link style="font-style: italic;" rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CTHEMOO%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:shapedefaults ext="edit" spidmax="1026"> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:shapelayout ext="edit"> <o:idmap ext="edit" data="1"> </o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center">A Life in the Day</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center">
<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span>When you have RND, even the most simple of tasks becomes frustratingly impossible.<span style=""> </span>What is most aggravating is how those around them do not understand why it is so hard, to them “you don’t look sick” and why on earth should sitting in class be so difficult?<span style=""> </span>You’re just sitting right?</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span>Imagine this:</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span>You’re muscles ache so deeply and sharply that they go numb, but you can still feel the pain through the numbness much like those who are paralyzed but retain some feeling.<span style=""> </span>So you’re left with extreme weakness and intense burning pain.<span style=""> </span>Next, cramp up your hand (involuntarily and for long periods of time) into a claw on the end of a flopping clamp of an arm.<span style=""> </span>The whole limb tremors so harshly that you can think of naught else.<span style=""> </span>Now be expected to take notes in government and write an essay in English.<span style=""> </span>With that arm.<span style=""> </span>No I’m not kidding, nor am I done!<span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span>Now imagine that awful numbing pain elsewhere, in my case mostly my right hip and leg.<span style=""> </span>Your hip turns into a vice that causes tremors to shoot down your leg and attack your foot, contorting it into unearthly positions that won’t release.<span style=""> </span>(The pain manifests as color and temperature changes.<span style=""> </span>For example, my foot would turn bright orange and go ice cold.<span style=""> </span>Other’s turn purple and swell.<span style=""> </span>Our skin becomes shiny and tight, as well as painful to the slightest touch or breeze.)</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span>Sit on that hip for forty five minutes.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">Now do you dare to ask why this isn’t a big deal?<span style=""> </span>Sitting only intensifies the pain; it feels as though its alive, eating at you from the inside out.<span style=""> </span>Imagine a seven out of ten pain on a daily basis, the pain only dipping a little at its best and commonly shooting up higher at times.<span style=""> </span>I forgot to mention the facial tremors and head tics.<span style=""> </span>So while your hand is struggling to come down enough from its place locked against your shoulder as it tremors, dropping pencil after pencil and even sending them flying, try to read notes on the board while your head keeps dropping.<span style=""> </span>I have autonomic dysfunction, though I didn’t know it back then, and head movements like that caused me near syncope every time, doubling the discomfort.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span>Oops did you forget about your arm?<span style=""> </span>Keep remembering what its doing and the pain you’re in there!<span style=""> </span>Headaches and backaches are also frequent and the pain radiates to every portion of your body.<span style=""> </span>You’re walking down the hall to your next class, walking on the side of your foot straining the tendons in your ankles, but it’s that or lie down all day, and somebody bumps into you with the corner of their book.<span style=""> </span>And you could die because the pain is that bad!<span style=""> </span>Your face goes white and your breathe quickens as you try not to cry.<span style=""> </span>And that person has no clue of the agony he’s just inadvertently put you in.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span>Soon your foot is jerking so badly that you need to elevate your leg, and tears come to your eyes as your pain intensifies sitting on hard school chairs.<span style=""> </span>Soon you are unable to sit for one more moment without screaming, and you’ve been putting up with a lot so far!<span style=""> </span>So you end up standing on one leg taking notes that way, leaning against a wall, cane, or desk for support.<span style=""> </span>Now try to take notes that way.<span style=""> </span>You may be holding an ice pack on it just to try and get some relief!<span style=""> </span>(An undiagnosed person would try this more, as RND is not really helped by ice or heat packs.<span style=""> </span>Oh and if you aren’t diagnosed, add the stress of tactfully being told you are crazy on top of it all.) </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span>After a few more minutes you are now unable to stand still, so off you go to walking the halls.<span style=""> </span>My struggle was that if I used my wheelchair for my lightheadedness, I was in too much pain too function.<span style=""> </span>But trying to walk all day was almost impossible and zapped all my energy.<span style=""> </span>I could not focus on anything and went from being an A student to unable to finish anything on time, if at all.<span style=""> </span>My teacher’s were as understanding as they could be.<span style=""> </span>Duff would run to get my chair when I fell one too many times that day.<span style=""> </span>That is another thing that one with severe RND must deal with, the collapsing due to atrophied muscles and fatigued joints.<span style=""> </span>I collapsed over a dozen times on a daily basis, but was treated with respect and love.<span style=""> </span>Not all are so fortunate.<span style=""> </span>Many are held to the same standards as the other students by teachers and therefore at an extremely unfair advantage.<span style=""> </span>Some have to crawl from class to class.<span style=""> </span>Others try to soften chairs.<span style=""> </span>Many are bullied, shoved, and pushed down.<span style=""> </span>I would like to believe that they know not how amazingly painful their actions are.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span>I write this not so that you will feel sorry for RND sufferers, but so that you will try to understand.<span style=""> </span>Because I do realize that unless it’s something you have experienced, you will never be able to truly grasp the magnitude of its affect on your life.<span style=""> </span>Please, don’t ask questions the moment we meet.<span style=""> </span>Please don’t stare at a movement disorder.<span style=""> </span>Please don’t pity, but please do pray!</p></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span><span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span></p></span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 153, 153); font-weight: bold;">
<br /></span>LiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3255200284091280572.post-5103462204225210452010-08-10T14:32:00.000-07:002010-08-10T14:41:21.063-07:00Blahhhhhh<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGKnBhWaNSfILAcr3reDKdGjcuIMKTvy9g3E8s2uL2gASBo-4SxnXHv3PnXhzJJzNPzTVoUcOVv_K9KgcFaPUgfrJQ5RNnLqhNdV5SnOd8nISk_fxY68sqEFzEJ2YduGKWEZYfGHySVyA/s1600/memories.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGKnBhWaNSfILAcr3reDKdGjcuIMKTvy9g3E8s2uL2gASBo-4SxnXHv3PnXhzJJzNPzTVoUcOVv_K9KgcFaPUgfrJQ5RNnLqhNdV5SnOd8nISk_fxY68sqEFzEJ2YduGKWEZYfGHySVyA/s320/memories.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5503899293136543442" border="0" /></a><br />Just feeling cruddy today! Last night I realized once again that sometimes I just take others' sorrows so much to heart, with those that I care so so deeply about anyway. <br /><br />And right now I feel like my own heartaches are enough to be stressful. I did talk to Dr. Awesome today, she always makes me feel so supported but then I just feel like crying because I know how much she cares and is trying to work things out for me, and that not much is getting better.<br /><br />The new med she and my cardiologist started me on, a beta blocker called metoprolol, is helping though. I'm really crashing right now because I over did it past five days, but it's really helped with my palps. The trick is to not letting it drop my BP too low.<br /><br />Anyway, I am at that super annoying point where I am not quite ER material but feeling just miserable enough that I can't do anything. I want it to go one way or the other! particularly up =]<br /><br />I. Miss. APRYL! I need to ride her really ride before I go stir crazy!<br /><br />I guess feeling down comes with the territory. Balance...Gotta Balance!LiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3255200284091280572.post-21235608315016712102010-07-28T15:54:00.000-07:002010-07-28T16:01:07.821-07:00One of Those DaysToday is just a downright <span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);">cruddy</span> day!
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<br />I mixed up my counseling session time, and had to miss it.
<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Two</span> of my <span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 51);">favorite people</span> in this world, a couple, is leaving with their family to exactly halfway around the world as missionaries. Been crying off and on all day! Everytime I think about it I just lose it, <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">love them so much</span>. Those two taught me more about living life loud, boldness in Christ, and just trusting God's plan and going for it than any other.
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<br />I feel so trapped at times, my friends are moving on and starting their lives and I am still in the same place with no end in sight. Don't worry, I've still got this incredibly unnatural<span style="color: rgb(0, 204, 204);"> peace </span>about it all!
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<br />Another chapter. it's unfinished.
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<br />Unexplainable Peace
<br /><meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CTHEMOO%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">May 31, 2010 Journal<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span>My heart aches to ride.<span style=""> </span>It doesn't always seem fair, my friends are planning their summers and going about their lives while mine seems to be crawling along behind theirs, moving forward but continuously being left behind.<span style=""> </span>Many weeks I cannot even venture out of my house without heavily paying for it.<span style=""> </span>Really not feeling well tonight, I hate lying still and feeling every single odd rhythm my heart conjures up and feeling my pulse pumping hard in a dozen spots at once.<span style=""> </span>Having a dysautonomia makes your brain feel like it is going to fly out of your head.<span style=""> </span>There is no easy way to describe how downright odd it makes you feel.<span style=""> </span>And when you are trying to sleep, you notice so acutely just how uncomfortable the symptoms are.<span style=""> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span>So I turn to riding in my thoughts.<span style=""> </span>I am so grateful that I can remember so well what it feels like to really ride.<span style=""> </span>And so I dream my agony away…<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span><i>I feel Apryl pulling against my hands, anxious to explode forward.<span style=""> </span>The supple leather runs through my thin fingers.<span style=""> </span>I squeeze lightly, first with my right fingers then with my left.<span style=""> </span>She responds by rounding her neck and back and dropping her head in submission, thus using her body and relaxing.<span style=""> </span>I shorten my reins a touch more and all at once I kiss and squeeze my legs against her sides, without bothering to follow up with a second squeeze from one leg to signal which lead I anted, as we were on a straight path down the center field.<span style=""> </span>As I expected, she picks up her favorite lead, the left.<span style=""> </span>I lifted my weight slightly out of my tack, adjusting to the new center of gravity as Apryl's delicate legs turn into rods of iron, punching the ground.<span style=""> </span>If I close my eyes, an breathe deeply I can feel her bounding forward, all the tiem asking for more rein.<span style=""> </span>I can hear the wind whistling in my ears.<span style=""> </span>Apryl feels as though she would go on and on without stopping, carrying me anywhere I pleased: so long as we're galloping!<span style=""> </span>The feeling in your hands when a horses is running with all their might against them is electric, and it makes one feel as though the whole earth is sweeping you along in a wild embrace.<span style=""> </span>I smile, and let out my hands another inch..."come on girl!"<o:p></o:p></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><i><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span>Tears were streaming down my face.<span style=""> </span>I wanted to ride again, myself.<span style=""> </span>Not watch others or relive old dreams.<span style=""> </span>But old dreams are all that I have, and making the best of them is the only option.<span style=""> </span>My second choice is one I won't even consider: a life of self pity and bitterness.<span style=""> </span>I would rather live a sick and slow life than a healthy and angry one.<span style=""> </span>I know many people who appear as though they should be happy, yet they are miserable.<span style=""> </span>However many chronically ill people seem to be happy, or rather have joy.<span style=""> </span>Happiness is wrapped in material possessions and the satisfying of self.<span style=""> </span>Joy is the strength inside to always find the silver lining, to always love your friends and just have a peace in your heart.<span style=""> </span>Joy is not putting a phony smile on and grinning and bearing it, joy allows for pain where happiness only gives room for perfection.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span>That night, I allowed myself to question and be upset.<span style=""> </span>Because I HAVE lost a lot, and I'm not going to pretend that life is always good and always perfect.<span style=""> </span>But I don't have a desire for perfection, if I can say I've lived a life sold out to my King and had days filled with laughter and friendship, then I can say that I have lived a fulfilled life.<span style=""> </span>I don't need things to be easy to have joy.<span style=""> </span>I am often asked if I'm really this "happy" or if my smile is "for real".<span style=""> </span>Whenever I am asked this, I find myself gazing off into the distance into the proverbial eyes of my Savior and smiling inside, because I have the most intense peace no matter where I am.<span style=""> </span>Sometimes that peace feels buried beyond recovery, but I soon see that the bulb lighting it up had gone out and it was not out of reach.<span style=""> </span>It is an unexplainable peace, one that tells me each and every day that this is not all that God has in store for me, that this is not where my story ends.<span style=""> </span>It's a peace that whispers hope and encouragement, and never tells me I can't.<span style=""> </span>This feeling is combined with the knowledge that one day I will have no more sickness, no more handicaps.<span style=""> </span>Whether that is in Heaven or on this earth I do not know, but either way I know that His plan is so perfect, and God has truly made it easy for me to accept where I am at but to also look forward with all the hope of the future.<span style=""> </span>My fight is not over, and while I may need to sit in the corner to be built up again, I am not down for the count.<span style=""> </span>This isn't me talking brave or putting on a tough girl front, this is I expressing my deepest heart song.<span style=""> </span>The One who is in there singing it does not make mistakes and keeps my spirit alive each and every time I breathe.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span>I know that this is not easily explained or understood, but honestly I am ok with people not understanding it because it does not matter what any one thinks.<span style=""> </span>It all comes down to my heart and what I know is in it.<span style=""> </span>I would love for everyone in my life to understand but I know that it is only something that comes through the Refiner's fire.<span style=""> </span>I may not be healthy, but I feel so <i>well.<span style=""> </span></i>So complete, so loved, so fulfilled.<span style=""> </span>God has led some amazing people into my life and really ministered to them through me, and here is to hoping that I didn't mess anything up.<span style=""> </span>But when we are striving to do His well, I don’t think we can mess it up!<span style=""> </span>What a comfort that is!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style=""> </span>Truly, being sick has blessed me more than if I had been well, not because God made me sick but because He can use any situation for His glory, and make an amazing out come with it.<span style=""> </span>I wish you could see the people that I have met and interact with them feeling the bond that we have because of what we have gone through together, or because of similar experiences.<span style=""> </span>Until you have felt that <o:p></o:p></span></p>
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<br />LiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3255200284091280572.post-55826897850569577992010-07-21T14:00:00.000-07:002010-07-21T14:25:43.709-07:00my POTS stole my SPOONS!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ_gh96IwXV7u213UrB1U07qZiFlLyYYG0yfMmAIXzpfLkcV4ezR5HgGi1c_kMnjajqVsi_vlAsBzoNWNcaytZNisN2pYsD8XWxJ1h6xuYpmT_5mnEBKpdH5KGPnYS13HclJPjntBjyJc/s1600/26690_1451300755515_1023137220_1313479_6631466_n.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ_gh96IwXV7u213UrB1U07qZiFlLyYYG0yfMmAIXzpfLkcV4ezR5HgGi1c_kMnjajqVsi_vlAsBzoNWNcaytZNisN2pYsD8XWxJ1h6xuYpmT_5mnEBKpdH5KGPnYS13HclJPjntBjyJc/s320/26690_1451300755515_1023137220_1313479_6631466_n.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5496473785596432690" border="0" /></a>
<br /><blockquote></blockquote>Hello! Sorry that it has been so long.
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<br />I'm still so grateful to have no RND anymore!! It's really a bugger!
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<br />Fighting my Autonomic Dysfunction/borderline POTS is plenty, thank you ;)
<br />This summer, I have been in the hospital every week, expect for last week or two. Get about 2 L IVF and toridol. This time I got a reglan infusion, along with benadryl as a precaution.
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<br />Just can't seem to keep my blood volume up, and since the Sertraline (Zoloft) is only making my numbers look good without fixing the problem, I'm being taken off it. I hate being on it, I know I'm not on it for depression but, eh I dunno.
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<br />Currently on: steroid nose spray (found out i have rhinusinusitis. yet another way I'm a mystery, my allergy tests looked normal yet one look in my nose from My allergy specialist and I get an ooohhh yeah... haha!), flonase, fludicort/florinef/fludicortizone, sertraline, meclizine. So not too bad!
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<br />Just getting worse and worse headaches with these episodes, and I hate that I'm having them SO regularly. But I'll keep going to the ER if it will give me another week! I've been admitted twice this summer, too. A three day and an overnighter, so again not to bad.
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<br />Aside from all that, it's been a wonderful summer so far!! One phrase: CREATION FEST 2010!
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<br />I'm also still working VERY hard on my book!!! About 20 chapters so far! I am thinking I'll post some of it here, let me know what you think. (: Since I didn't tell too much about my RND healing I'll post that chapter first.
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<br />Still using a wheelchair anytime I go out, trying to get things rolling through OVR to get my own. My dear friend, whom I have dubbed KS (Kindred Spirit. And I'm her kiddo!) has let me use her late father's so generously! It's time to give it back though.
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<br />And speaking of KS, spending Fri-Sun at her place!! Wooooooot!! We both need this I think. Coloring, adding more stickers to our canes, hanging out with the horses, and start gazing are in order I think (: We'll never grow up, haha!
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<br />Not much more to say, I'll leave you with a piece from my book. Oh, did I tell you? God named it: <span style="font-weight: bold;">Trading Sorrows </span>
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<br />Makes it seem so much more real! Crazy!
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<br /><div style="text-align: center;">The Overflowing Cup
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<br />Reflex Neurovascular Dystrophy. Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. Complex Regional Pain Syndrome Types 1 and 2. Amplified Musculoskeletal Pain.
<br />They all mean the same thing; please don't touch me because everything hurts. RND means even a hug is uncomfortable. That sitting in class is unbearable during a flare because the knives and burning in your affected limb makes you feel like screaming and running away, except if you get bad enough your muscles degrade and you can't run. Oh well, it was a thought anyway right? RND took away my ability to do the things I love. It took the ability to have a normal time with my senior class. It took my ability to ride horses. It eventually stole my hands. No more playing my scuffed up Baldwin for hours, or completing tests on time if I completed them at all.
<br />But if I'm going to tell you all of the bad things about RND, I have to tell you the blessings that have come out of it. The first blessing was the sense of community I felt. Anybody who has had longstanding undiagnosed problems can tell you the joy of being given the name of it, and with that name comes the ability to find others just like you online. Upon finding those people, one can share joy and sorrows. They can give you tips on coping, and you can share your story. Once I was admitted to the therapy hospital, I was introduced to easily a dozen friends, the majority of whom I keep in close contact with.
<br />These friends have given me the opportunity to be distracted from my own problems and to make a difference in their lives, like they do in mine. I cannot imagine life without them! I especially cannot imagine life without the crazy but wonderful Coordinator at the therapy hospital. I believe her exact words on this subject was, "talk about RND being a mixed blessing, huh?"
<br />My point in telling you all this, is God knows what He is doing. He took an incredibly frustrating situation and turned it into some joyous memories and amazing relationships. I'll never forget the times I had at CI, chilling with my friends there, going to the cafeteria, and joking around about everything under the sun: except for RND. I hope that I have managed to touch their lives as much as they have mine, and RND turned out to be a very small price to pay.
<br />One Wednesday I went to bed around 9:30 like I always do. I fell asleep after battling my tremors, the price I pay for not taking a muscle relaxant every night in an effort to save them for really bad evenings. I woke up hours later, and felt like something was different. God spoke to my heart and let me know that He was taking my RND. It was not completely gone, but as though it was slipping away. I sat straight up, eyes widening at the ease in which I did so. I went into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror in shock, was my RND really being healed? I just had this feeling in my spirit, and I woke up my parents. Again I'm sure I scared them, as my unspecified Autonomic Dysfunction has not been doing well and I require saline from time to time. "I think God is healing my RND!" They were awake pretty quickly, and they came down on the floor with me, and dad prayed over me. We grew very emotional knowing that this monster was releasing its hold on my sympathetic nervous system.
<br />The next day, I just told everyone what was happening. It was so exciting to feel my body be released more and more. I was able to walk as fast as my lightheaded brain would allow, and my limp was gone. One of the most exciting things to show people was the lack of my tremors. My hands, normally curled against my side, were open and relaxed. My feet pointed straight ahead instead of, as I told my dad, making me look like I was going in two directions at once!
<br />Today as I sit here typing, I realize how truly gone it is. The deep, numbing ache hasn't returned and I know it never will. Sometimes it is mentally hard to adjust to a healing, you forget that you don't have to take certain medicines anymore until you have the bottle in your hand, or you wake up tense, expecting a certain symptom to be flaring. After awhile, however, you totally forget and move on. But it is so important to reflect and be amazed at how far you have come, not because of something you did but because of The Great Physician. Miracles do happen!
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<br />LiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3255200284091280572.post-26094320810172542412010-05-29T16:06:00.000-07:002010-05-29T16:11:24.229-07:00Major Updates: MORE MIRACLES!Long story short:<br />Collapsed after school in august with intense weakness, tremors etc.<br />In hospital for four days. No answers. Told I was going to have to live with it, because I was fine. and to go to school the next day. I couldn't walk<br /><br />So I bought a cane and went to school, using a wheelchair often.<br /><br />Was finally diagnosed with Reflex Neurovascular Dystrophy by Dr. Awesome ;) in September<br />Got into therapy in November. Did outpatient therapy half of sept and all of oct<br /><br />several weeks ago, all my color changes tremors pain weakness etc: Gone. So many things. touchign my muscles used to hurt and now I feel nothing.<br /><br />I simply woke up at 4am on a Thurs and knew. Just totally knew it was going away.<br /><br />I was diagnosed with autonomic dysfunction, possibly POTS, in January.<br /><br />Battling that, using a wheelchair anytime I go anywhere for any sort of distance, standing makes me sick. I have flares 4 up to a month and never seem to fully recover.<br /><br />But God is good. I'll write more details about all this soon! (:LiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3255200284091280572.post-56676636101802705792009-08-13T16:50:00.000-07:002009-08-13T17:04:41.152-07:00More Trials=More BlessingsSick again but for His gain!<br />I've always had issues with dizziness and weakness but its gotten worse not just oh im thin and dizzy. for awhile there I was passing out everyday, its slowed to an average of once a week. But falling alot, just crashing to the floor most every day several times a day.<br />some headaches, not bad. Numbness, weakness, increased joint and muscle pain.<br />head ticks and leg and arm spasms, sometimes flipping me over. I've woken up at night several times not breathing with a racing heartbeat. Now I have weird heart rates during the day as well.<br /><br />EEG-normal<br />Just had an MRI and need a second overnight EEG to confirm no seizure activity.<br /><br />Cardiologist soon, I haven't met her yet can't wait too, she is taking me seriously and had a nurse call me super concerned to see how I was and if I would be ok waiting till my appt. and that they could get me in ASAP if need be to whatever dr was open. so that was intersting<br /><br />But I am having to rely on Him for every step again which is definitely a blessing, somehow playing volleyball.<br /><br />It was neat in practice today I was super sick from the meds to control my ticks for the MRI, on top of having a really bad and sick week. But God gave me nearly a half our to really play my best and feel decent. it was so nice. I hardly noticed until coach went "are you feeling better?" lol<br /><br />Just wanted to update everyone this was entirely informational and not entirely upbeat, those'll come later just wanted to post this.LiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3255200284091280572.post-2123956700707479812009-04-22T18:21:00.001-07:002009-04-25T15:53:48.549-07:00Counting BlessingsJust counting my blessings!<br /><br />I've gone from:<br />9 Drs to 2<br />7 medications to 0<br />11 tests and stop counting<br /><br />I never want to take for granted:<br />-that I can go to bed and know I won't be up sick until 2am<br />-eating with no pain<br />-not living in chronic pain<br />-rolling over in bed without my body screaming at me<br />-walking around. its the best feeling to just know I can get from a to b easily.<br />-not having to live by "we'll see what I can do today. I may have to miss this or that"<br />-being able to have a job.<br />-being able to concentrate<br /><br />"You are the LORD<br />the Famous One, FAMOUS ONE!<br />Great is Your Name in ALL THE EARTH<br />The Heavens declare, You're Glorious, GLORIOUS!"<br /><br />We take so much for granted. Life isn't always going to be easy, isn't always going to be confortable. But finding ways to have joy and contentment makes hard times SUCH a blessing! I mean they are so amazing. I always want to rely on Him, even now that I am healed of many of my diseases. Because frankly I miss having to rely on Him for every step I took, literally. <br /><br />AmeliaLiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3255200284091280572.post-46203157474803648052009-04-21T19:20:00.000-07:002010-09-15T09:41:56.005-07:00Healing Count: #5He's just continuing to bless me!<br /><br />I have left lumbar scoliosis, but have been having more severe lower back pain than expected. I was going to have an MRI soon to check for cysts on my spinal chords, twisted spinal chords, and or stinosis.<br /><br />I first noticed some relief on the night of my first healing.<br /><br />And this week all week I have been noticing less. and less. and less! pain. And it keeps going where I'm not having that awful constant pain. I really realized and recieved it yesterday when I disocovered that I could bend down all the way to my toes-something I haven't been able to do in at least two years!<br /><br />I was serving overhand with a volleyball and didn't get that horrible pain. Serving that way made me want to cry it hurt so bad, but now it doesn't.<br /><br />I still have some general pain from my scoliosis but it is much much much less! I was even diving for balls and jumping right back up as opposed to needing a few seconds to let the pain subside then struggle to my feet.<br /><br />Mornings were also bad, I'd really have to get up slowly as it hurt so much. Now I just get right up!<br /><br />Praise be to the Lamb, Holy Holy is He.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">"Accept the way God does things, for who can straighten what He has made crooked? Enjoy prosperity while you can, but when hard times strike, realize that both come from God. Remember that nothing is certain in this life." Ecclesiastes 7:13,14</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">This describes everything. I am trusting Him to straighten and untwist my spine if it is His will! for HE alone can make straight what is crooked!</span><br /><br />If not, I will pray that He will use it to make me a stronger person. I am just so thankful to have such a drastic reduce in my pain!<br /><br />In Him,<br />Milly<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"></span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"></span>LiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3255200284091280572.post-48891021459909714402009-04-19T09:28:00.000-07:002009-04-19T10:12:54.831-07:00My TestimonyHey all! I am new to this site, though I have blogged in the past and enjoyed it immensely.<br /><br />My reason for starting this up was to share what my God has done for me over the past ten years of my life, especially in what He has done these past few weeks!<br /><br />I'll keep it to the condensed version since the long one would take hours to write!<br /><br />I have been sick for the past six years, and it has only worsened in the past few, especially in the past four months. It started out with asthma, some abdominal pain etc. I was told it could be my heart, but that feel through and I was sent to a Diagnostic specialist who ran several tests and told me I had GERD. When the acid blocker, which is a bad thing to be on since it radically reduces the amount of acid releases and can cause bone degeneration, didn't solve a lot of the problems she sent me to a GI specialist. He did an EGD, or upper GI endoscopy, and said I looked good. Yet I was still having trouble swallowing, and the pain was getting worse. <br /><br />Things really got the the point where I just couldn't live life around Christmas when I was hit with more pain than I could ever imagine Christmas Eve. It was really crazy because we couldn't even get to the hospital the roads were so icy. I had had some tests prescheduled for the next morning on pretty much every small GI organ imaginable, so we went in for that. And yet again they told us everything was normal. I did alright for the next few weeks, before becoming really very sick. I couldn't do full days of school, eat well, or even do extra things due to the intense chronic fatigue. It was really rough to not be involved in anything, I love riding more than anything else and I didn't even have the energy to get out to the barn. I would just be up dry heaving and throwing up until as late as two oclock in the morning every night for weeks. My doctor finally admitted me to the hospital, where I was given IV fluids and an NG tube (feeding tube down the nose into the stomach) to give me the medicine for the colonoscopy since I was too sick to drink it. It was painful and irritating, but God was with me that whole night, and what should have been the most miserable night was just not at all! He is so faithful. He even orchestrated the whole admittance process, because there was a twenty hour wait for a bed, and several opened up in less than three hours! <br /><br />After they sent me home I continued taking the new pain medications as well as medicine to stimulate my appetite, since I'd lost around ten pounds in a few weeks. and since I'm only in the 3% range for my weight, they needed to keep me eating. (I also had a new and unsatisfactory catch all diagnosis of IBS, which in my case meant that my colon spazzed out when food entered it.) But the medicine made me so weak I could hardly walk after just a few hours in school and concentrating was impossible. I still cannot believe how faithful He was! I never felt angry or overly frustrated or like I wanted to give up, it was just all okay with me. I love this verse:<br /><br /><em><span style="color:#ffcc00;">"Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time He said, "My grace is all you need. My power works beset in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That's why I take pleasure in my weakness, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10.</span></em><br /><br />I was not strong enough to fight it, I needed Him to do it and somehow He got me through each days, even with joy in order that I might enjoy the pleasures of life in it all. It is so important to keep smiling, and to keep that joy. Happiness and joy are very seperate, happiness is walking around with a big old grin plastered on your face without really having the well of joy inside, which doens't mean you will always be smiling and cheerful but any circumstance can be "well with your soul". <br /><br />My life verse is <em><span style="color:#33cc00;">James 1:2-6<br />"My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you. But ask in faith, never doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. "</span></em><br /><br />Then last Tuesday, April 7, 2009 at 4 am, my Lord met with me not in an emotional worship time or when I was up sick, but in the stillness of the night. I woke up to something I hadn't felt in years: no pain. my RLQ and LLQ (right and left lower quadrants) had been in costant, bad pain for the past two months especially, without any let up and that was gone. I had heartburn if I had anything from water to solids, that was gone. I woke up my parents as you can imagine! I also stopped my medications that very morning, including my inhalers hoping that God would also choose to touch my asthma. Which He did EXACTLY one week later this past <strong>Tuesday</strong> at <strong>4:30 am! </strong> When I had my healings, Satan tried to rob me of them and I had pain both Wednesdays after each healing, but God prevailed and I am in His healing. He sent me the most amazing sense of peace and joy that it was sobering the next day after my first healing in the form of three great waves of warmth! I cannot believe that He chose to visit little old me in such a way!<br /><br />He called me to missions as a young kid, and this whole time I've been wondering how He was going to work out ministry with my illness. I guess He answered that one!<br /><strong></strong><br />I feel terrific, I can eat again and can hold my breath for long periods of time, as opposed to maybe ten seconds before, I lvoe to sing and that is so much easier! It was so exciting to wake up and take deep breaths without the chronic wheeze that plauged me every time I tried to. My vocal chord dysfunction is also gone on this second Tuesday healing. VCD occurs in GERD and asthma patients often because the voice box becomes strained and unable to relax due to the acid always sitting in it.<br /><br />I mean I just had pizza loaded with pepporoni and don't have the slightest hit of heartburn or nausea! I had no clue just how sick I was, it was normal for me. I also have no idea why He chose to heal me! That the God of the Universe, Who's hands carved out the ocean, would chose to carve out all my diseases. I will never know what I had, all I know is that all of my intense muscle, abdomen, under the rib pain, and breathing difficulties are gone.<br /><br />God is a good God. And out of any situation He can be glorified. Just by staying positive and trusting Him brings Him glory for He is then free to work in any life! I am so glad He let me be that sick, because when you are you have to trust Him. There is just nothing else you can do, nobody else to turn to. I am insanely greatful for it because I grew so much closer to Him than I would have otherwise. He also opened up several oppurtunities to witness in the hospital, and I am stoked to tell my doctor's what God has done for me! God has even touched the life of an atheist I know. When I was sick (I just love saying that) she told me that she would pray to my God on my behalf, which really touched my heart.<br /><br />I really felt that I was just supposed to enjoy the ride and let Him work through the circumstance, and I am just in awe of Him. I definately feel incredibly blessed, even if He had chosen to not heal me the entire thing is a blessing.<br /><br />I am now waiting and trusting in Him to continue to heal me! I have left lumbar scoliosis and need an MRI to see if my organs are shifted badly enough for me to need fusion surgery. I have a lot of pain and may have cysts or twisted spinal chords, but I know He can touch this as well if it is His will! Your prayers would be amazing :]<br /><br />Thanks for reading, I do not want Him to have anything but all the glory He can in what He has done!<br /><br />May the joy of the Lord be your strength,<br />AmeliaLiveAbundantlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18008333436541000889noreply@blogger.com3